Back in college, a good friend of mine inspired me to read and write my own blogs, and when I started blogging, I swore to myself that I will only write about good things.. things that I don't want to forget... but I know I've already broken that promise years ago, as I can't help but feel down sometimes and I couldn't resist the urge to blog about it.....just like now.
I'm such a drama queen, I know... but don't you have times when you just feel sad and uninspired and you don't exactly know why? I'm sure some of you do. I don't know.. I've been absent from work for more than 2 weeks now and I called in to inform them that I'm sick (maybe mentally sick) and that I couldn't make it to work as much as I'd love to, but really.. it's just an excuse. I thought I'm all better.. I thought I'm finally over this kind of thinking... this kind of attitude towards life, but I was wrong. I was so full of energy when I started working, I thought it's going to last.. after eight months of doing the same thing every single day, it got to me.. I just woke up one day and bam! that's it! I can't keep doing this.. I have to stop. I know I probably sound like a whining brat, but I'm just being true to myself.. no words can explain how depressed I am right now.. it's a roller coaster of emotions.. I wanted to keep going, I wanted to prove myself that I can do it, that I'm no longer the irresponsible me that I was 2 years ago.... I was wrong. I'm turning 22 tomorrow and I'm still as irresponsible and hopeless as when I was 13. I want to do things the right way.. but part of myself is stopping me from doing so. I'm a full grown (literally) adult, and my maturity is still that of a primary schooler. I think for now, the best thing that I can do is to just accept things as they are.. most importantly, I need to accept myself wholeheartedly. I need to to love myself more.. I think that's the problem here. I tend to push away the ugly side of myself, and in doing so, I stop myself from growing up.. from living.
Makes sense? I don't know.. I think I need a break XD
Jaa~
